What is the essence of communicating when there is no one to listen? How about communicating to a disengaged listener? Last month we released a piece on communication. Going through the month, I also came across another wonderful piece on communication, specifically dealing with public speaking. Read here.
As a little refresher, we outlined the act of communication, the right mediums to use and how to communicate correctly to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. We established that communication can only be described as fruitful when the recipient (listener) understands exactly what is being communicated. Read more here. This prompted the write-up on an engaged listener.
Engaged listening is an act of hearing beyond words. It entails hearing between words and beyond what is spoken to identifying the essentials and key focus of the speaker. Most often than not, people listen to respond and not to understand. They start preparing answers in their head without fully comprehending the speaker. This clearly distinguishes a mere listener from an engaged listener. One listens to comprehend and the other listens for hearing sake.
Amazingly, most people restrict listening to hearing through the ears. However, there are different ways of hearing; hearts, intuitions and exploring all other senses. An engaged listener does not only rely on hearing through the ears but is also able to identify the intonations, feelings and emotions of the speaker. Not only is the engaged listener in-tune with the speaker’s emotions but he/she also makes the speaker feel heard.
Just imagine having a conversation with someone who makes you feel understood. This comes with a unique feeling of calmness and appreciation. In official settings, the attentiveness of the listener motivates the speaker to keep speaking and put their best foot forward. Just as a good communicator is not always a natural act but a skill to be developed, an engaged listener can also be a developed skill and act. Knowing the features exhibited by an engaged listener can help a mere listener become an engaged listener.
Features of an engaged listener
- Usually has a lot of interest in the message communicated. The intermittent response of yes or no and affirmative gestures like a nod, smile and posture communicate the attentiveness of the listener. This is quite an easy one to develop.
- Listens from a non judgemental perspective. Irrespective of personal ideas, values and opinions, the priority is understanding the ideas of the communicator even if it is opposite to what they believe.
- Totally focuses on the speaker with no distractions and multitasking. Most at times there is even more information in the subtle nuances and important non verbal cues. focusing totally on the speaker helps to pick up these cues and enforces more understanding of the message the speaker is communicating.
- Avoids interruptions and tries to push their personal ideas. Listening is not solely for response. With interruptions, you need to plan what you are about to say and planning to speak will shift the listeners attention and focus from the speaker. Even when planning to speak, your facial expression changes and denotes a wandering mind prompting the speaker.
- Notwithstanding, an engaged listener provides feedback to reiterate the fact that they are understanding what the speaker is saying. Also, they ask questions to clarify any ambiguity in the course of the communication.
In as much as there is always a personal touch to the way people communicate, I am so certain that the major reason why people communicate is to connect and be heard. It is therefore very crucial to be both effective communicators and engaged listener.
Read more here on Effective communication and communication methods.
Also feel free to check out some of our other posts Fuel for motivation, Staying Motivated, My greatest enemy . Kindly leave your thoughts, comments and feedback regarding our posts. Also, feel free to suggest topics that can help you in your personal growth journey. We are always open to suggestions.
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